Counselling for Slight Predicaments
By Professor Winston
Portable phone anxiety in Quite Carriage
Hey Prof [exclamation mark removed]
My journey to work is becoming unbearable [another exclamation mark removed]
Obviously, I try to avoid the noise of the train by sitting in the Quiet Carriage. The problem is that I’m constantly worrying that my phone might go off. What if someone tells the conductor that I’m making too much noise? It hasn’t happened yet but I just can’t relax.
What on earth can I do?
I’m afraid, Mr. Slightly, that your predicament goes much deeper than you think. Even before I completed your letter, those invigorating exclamation marks had given you away. You might not know it but you are really not a Dull Man at all.
A real Dull Man would never carry a portable telephone. His dullness must be cultivated, nurtured and protected. Those frightful machines might have been designed with nervous excitement in mind.
Throw the thing away, Mr. Slightly. Release yourself from its grip. Here at Still Manors my wife and I reserve use of the telephone for emergencies and I am happy to report that we haven’t had an emergency for almost nineteen years. You see how far you have to go, Mr. Slightly.
Please keep us posted on your progress.