Counselling for Slight Predicaments

By Professor Winston

prof winston


Joys of a new butter dish


Dear Professor,

My wife insists that we start eating more healthily. I don’t mind that we now have to use marge instead of butter but I’m having difficulty with the packaging. I find looking at a tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter renders me alarmingly incredulous in the mornings.

What can I do?

Robert Mason

cant believe its not butter

Dear Robert,

Worry not. You are not the first Dull Man to have his equilibrium wobbled at the breakfast table. Might I suggest the purchase of a butter dish?


Not only will a butter dish prove a simple solution to your slight predicament, the laborious and thoughtful selection of a butter dish is a remarkably dull way to invest a marriage with some much needed blandness.

Though you are too modest to say, I don’t doubt that this dietary revolution of Mrs. Mason’s has brought rather too much spice into your lives already. As I think you will agree, we Dull Men must go easy on the spice.

My wife and I like to replace our butter dishes once every five years. Just a word of caution, however – it is best to avoid French models. Mrs. Winston seems to find their fanciful names rather agitating.

Professor Winston



[Professor Winston would like to thank Daniel Koczy for his help in editing and compiling Slight Predicaments. Mr. Koczy can be reached at]