Dear DMC,

We Dull Men like to work in the kitchen, we’re good at it. A favorite thing to do in the kitchen is kneading dough. One of our heroes is the Phillsbury Doughboy.

I saw this sad news in the newspaper:

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.  The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Born and bread in Minnesota , Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes.  Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children:  John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven.  He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


If you know of others who are Doughboy fans, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to them having a crumby day and kneads a lift.

Emil Bentgen
Cross Junction, Virginia



Dear Emil,

What can we say? Extend out condolences?

Or say that this is headed for our Groaners page. Or perhaps we should set up an Extreme Groners page, with this being the first posting on it.