abott and costello

I received this in an email this morning. I finally stopped laughing enough to forward it to dullmensclub.com.

Like many dull men, I spend time in computer stores, probably more than I should. I overhear inane conversations about computers. But none as funny as Abbott and Costello’s:

[Warning to dull men: this contains exclamation points.]

ABBOTT: Welcome to the Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my house and I’m thinking about buying a computer.


COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.


COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? My house already has windows.

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t think so. Why does a computer need windows? What will I see?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I just need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses, and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: I recommended something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?


COSTELLO: For my office?


COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?


COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: I mean the Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W.”

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “W” if you don’t start giving me some straight answers.

What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?


[A few days later:]

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on “START”


Joe Kerr
New York