I received this in an email this morning. I finally stopped laughing enough to forward it to dullmensclub.com.
Like many dull men, I spend time in computer stores, probably more than I should. I overhear inane conversations about computers. But none as funny as Abbott and Costello’s:
[Warning to dull men: this contains exclamation points.]
ABBOTT: Welcome to the Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my house and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? My house already has windows.
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t think so. Why does a computer need windows? What will I see?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I just need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses, and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: I recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: I mean the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W.”
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “W” if you don’t start giving me some straight answers.
What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
[A few days later:]
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on “START”
Joe Kerr
New York
